oooh...this is so exciting.in a few hours,we will be headed off to genting for the long-awaited (and much deserved for yangyang) holiday! so exciting la...it will be the second time yet it will prove to be even better! there is also the mad rush as upon her touching down from an early morning flight,we will have to make it at the coach centre by 7.45am.

on my part,everything is ready,only some last minute packing to be done when baby returns.then it is gogogo! i think we should be able to make it on time.i cannot imagine how it will be should we not make it.

panda is so excited now,he is driving me crazy crazy crazy! maybe he thinks he is coming along too? you wish la,mad cat! haha.we would love to bring him along if we could,but it is just too bad it is not feasible.so stay home and be good or you could drive big bro crazy while we are away,heh.

gosh,cannot wait already lar...hurry home dear!

~you're still the one...~

hurt...

my once-close friends opinions over me are apparently divided into 2 groups.the relations with one group are very icy,not having had any decent contact at all and the other graciously are still online gaming buddies with me at least.

so what happens when i unwittingly come along and try to join in? i get rejected.

like a shabbily-dressed person wanting to eat in a posh restaurant,like the social outcast in school that no one wants to talk to,much less play with.

i did not know the gracious group were planning to play with the icy group when i asked them to play with me seeing they were online at the usual gaming hour.and so they told me,and said they could not.

though i had minimal contact with the icy group,those times we were cordial at least.cordial enough to share an activity at least,i suppose(or am i hoping?).

did they even ask them if they minded? or did they take it into their own hands not to avoid potential tensions? i would never know,though i wish to but yet will not ask.

it was the flat denial;'we are playing with them,go play with someone else',that stung.i can never think of a time i was flatly rejected like that.

and so i'm hurt.but i really cannot expect any better.those were good times we once shared ,but they would say i was the one who chose to relinquish the close bonds.

...then my horns grew.i stalked them,join their game anonymously,and trashed them good!

***

it was not intentional that i stayed up for the message that would usually come when you landed.in fact i was sleeping through peacefully though i admit i somehow was waking every hour(anticipation? worry?).

i was just upset it did not come like it usually did.i think it had always been like that despite the unearthly hours though it had been quite a while since you flew far.

i like to think that the things i do that have somehow become ingrained and automated are things you genuinely appreciate and like and i do hope you do.

i know it is hard for us having to be apart so often and i should not make it even harder for you.i also understand,on hindsight,that it is impractical and to a larger extent unreasonable to expect those frilly things due to the distance and time.and me being upset and petty over these small things are just going to make you feel miserable and restrict your planned activities.

it is just that contact with you of any kind while you are away keeps me going while i am all alone and truly lonely.it is the fuel that drives me,to get out of bed and the house feeling energetic to do the things i need,planned and have to do.it also dulls the numbness somewhat of not having you around,something i get so used to and cannot do without.

i promise to need you less but more.

i love you yangyang,even more so each passing day.i cannot wait to celebrate our approaching anniversary and oh,your birthday too.

wah so long never blog,rotten le...

must blog more.gosh,or what of the resolution we made.

the past few months have been wonderful having more time spent with my dear as she has been getting less long haul flights;yay for me! we had a blast celebrating christmas,new year's (both chinese and gregorian).and through it all,i realise even more how much we cannot do without each other whether through good and bad times.

i love our petty squabbles where after there'd be a subtle competition between us on who will cave in first and manja-manja.like sometimes,i rush her while preparing to go out,making her all flustered and panicky just for the fun of it and see how she'd react when agitated and when she snaps unreasonably i will put on a glum face so that maybe she'd be coy and manja to me later.

there was an instance we saw a reflection of ourselves on the big screen where a happy couple moved in to a new house and how their daily activities revolved around their only piece of furniture,their bed.and then they slowly built up a cosy home over time,just like what we are doing!

i see us 3 years down the road,in our cosy little home,no kids yet but with concrete plans for the stork to arrive,but with 3 cats.fat old panda,his munchkin friend and maybe an exotic kitten breed.we'd have dates at weird days due to our working schedule but we'd be flying and visiting cities all around the world together.i'd still be bugging her to go for runs with me and she'd nagging down my throat to keep my hair neatly cropped and my face clean-shaven.ahh...life.

i realised:cats hate mice,how true,even of the electronic variety seeing how panda,the kitten of terror,had ravaged 3 of mine and im down to using dear's mouse for myself.and still he will not spare it though it looks like a zebra and luckily for us it is very hardy but not for long...*rahr*

hahaha! i blew your surprise.now,writing this,i wonder if you ever guessed the surprise i am planning for you.you,reading this,i hope you loved it.i worked hard for it ok! it was...3? days in the making?

guessing your surprise occupied my mind the whole day at work and when i thought of it,i had the sneaking suspicion that i will be right.and i was!

now,typing this,all that is left is to spend a happy second day of christmas i planned for us when you get home.it will be a blast!

P.S. if you somehow got internet access and are reading this(i really hope not!),just know that you will love it! no need to guess la...you will not get it(i hope!).

i read you like an open book,let me write all over you.

and so i wonder...can i just go mail my warranty card directly to their mailbox since the office is practically in my backyard? instead of wasting the damn stamp...

have not been blogging much as i was occupied with spending time and taking care of my dear love and juggling trying to keep up with schoolwork as its exams period again(so soon!).furthermore,a little bundle of of joy and excitement has been keeping my hands full.

Panda! the cutest persian kitten.i can't sleep or work whenever he is up and about.he is so active and always scurrying about,jumping here and there,pouncing on anything that moves,and yes that includes me as well haha.

basically he is driving  me crazy,and my body is pattered with so many tiny scars courtesy of his loving scratches and bites.he breaks my sleep,harasses me when i am up and about,and demands scraps of food whenever i eat even when he has had his meals.there is no peace when he is awake!

yet he is so adorable those rare times when he is mellow and cosies up for some sayang-ing,mewing in his sweet kitten voice,purring contently when i caress him.sometimes he does cute,stupid kittenish things which makes me laugh.

there is also a deep sense of pleasure and fuzzy contentment when i feed him his meals,replace water in his drinking bowl and clean him up when he does his business.

though i lose my cool with it sometimes,i still love that little tyke and it feels warm coming home to him greeting me with his soft bright eyes looking up staring at me...and then he breaks out into his routine kitten dance of terror.

***

nothing beats waking up to a message of love and appreciation from miles away.

-'Baby i miss you. I'm so happy that you're in my life and i want to thank you for all the joy you've given me. You're truly my heaven sent superman. I love you.'

oh how i melted...