fi,the constant of change

skeeping

2009-07-13T20:33:00.002+08:00

i watch as she sleeps so serenely,hugging tight to the usual suspects.i cannot help but feel a tingle of loneliness even though i can see her clearly as she is halfway around the world away from my hugs,kisses and caresses.

watching her sleeps makes me want to protect her,seeing how vulnerable she is.thank you technology,for allowing us to surmount the obstacles of having great distances between us frequently.you have somewhat kept us close together and within reach despite us being so far away from each other.

we can still bitch,complain and muse our daily routines.more importantly we can plan our schedule together when she returns but most importantly,i can be there for her whenever she may need me and be able to be the last voice and face she hears and sees before she goes to sleep across any time zone.

sleep deprivation? none.the strength of our love envigors me.

i'm losing all my chips in poker after having a roll but there is no love lost,watching her stir in her sleep and hearing her occasional grunts.i love you,dear.

genting!

2009-04-14T05:39:00.001+08:00

oooh...this is so exciting.in a few hours,we will be headed off to genting for the long-awaited (and much deserved for yangyang) holiday! so exciting la...it will be the second time yet it will prove to be even better! there is also the mad rush as upon her touching down from an early morning flight,we will have to make it at the coach centre by 7.45am.

on my part,everything is ready,only some last minute packing to be done when baby returns.then it is gogogo! i think we should be able to make it on time.i cannot imagine how it will be should we not make it.

panda is so excited now,he is driving me crazy crazy crazy! maybe he thinks he is coming along too? you wish la,mad cat! haha.we would love to bring him along if we could,but it is just too bad it is not feasible.so stay home and be good or you could drive big bro crazy while we are away,heh.

gosh,cannot wait already lar...hurry home dear!

~you're still the one...~

pain...

2009-03-21T16:05:00.002+08:00

hurt...

my once-close friends opinions over me are apparently divided into 2 groups.the relations with one group are very icy,not having had any decent contact at all and the other graciously are still online gaming buddies with me at least.

so what happens when i unwittingly come along and try to join in? i get rejected.

like a shabbily-dressed person wanting to eat in a posh restaurant,like the social outcast in school that no one wants to talk to,much less play with.

i did not know the gracious group were planning to play with the icy group when i asked them to play with me seeing they were online at the usual gaming hour.and so they told me,and said they could not.

though i had minimal contact with the icy group,those times we were cordial at least.cordial enough to share an activity at least,i suppose(or am i hoping?).

did they even ask them if they minded? or did they take it into their own hands not to avoid potential tensions? i would never know,though i wish to but yet will not ask.

it was the flat denial;'we are playing with them,go play with someone else',that stung.i can never think of a time i was flatly rejected like that.

and so i'm hurt.but i really cannot expect any better.those were good times we once shared ,but they would say i was the one who chose to relinquish the close bonds.

...then my horns grew.i stalked them,join their game anonymously,and trashed them good!

***

it was not intentional that i stayed up for the message that would usually come when you landed.in fact i was sleeping through peacefully though i admit i somehow was waking every hour(anticipation? worry?).

i was just upset it did not come like it usually did.i think it had always been like that despite the unearthly hours though it had been quite a while since you flew far.

i like to think that the things i do that have somehow become ingrained and automated are things you genuinely appreciate and like and i do hope you do.

i know it is hard for us having to be apart so often and i should not make it even harder for you.i also understand,on hindsight,that it is impractical and to a larger extent unreasonable to expect those frilly things due to the distance and time.and me being upset and petty over these small things are just going to make you feel miserable and restrict your planned activities.

it is just that contact with you of any kind while you are away keeps me going while i am all alone and truly lonely.it is the fuel that drives me,to get out of bed and the house feeling energetic to do the things i need,planned and have to do.it also dulls the numbness somewhat of not having you around,something i get so used to and cannot do without.

i promise to need you less but more.

i love you yangyang,even more so each passing day.i cannot wait to celebrate our approaching anniversary and oh,your birthday too.

it's been too long!

2009-02-15T04:55:00.001+08:00

wah so long never blog,rotten le...

must blog more.gosh,or what of the resolution we made.

the past few months have been wonderful having more time spent with my dear as she has been getting less long haul flights;yay for me! we had a blast celebrating christmas,new year's (both chinese and gregorian).and through it all,i realise even more how much we cannot do without each other whether through good and bad times.

i love our petty squabbles where after there'd be a subtle competition between us on who will cave in first and manja-manja.like sometimes,i rush her while preparing to go out,making her all flustered and panicky just for the fun of it and see how she'd react when agitated and when she snaps unreasonably i will put on a glum face so that maybe she'd be coy and manja to me later.

there was an instance we saw a reflection of ourselves on the big screen where a happy couple moved in to a new house and how their daily activities revolved around their only piece of furniture,their bed.and then they slowly built up a cosy home over time,just like what we are doing!

i see us 3 years down the road,in our cosy little home,no kids yet but with concrete plans for the stork to arrive,but with 3 cats.fat old panda,his munchkin friend and maybe an exotic kitten breed.we'd have dates at weird days due to our working schedule but we'd be flying and visiting cities all around the world together.i'd still be bugging her to go for runs with me and she'd nagging down my throat to keep my hair neatly cropped and my face clean-shaven.ahh...life.

i realised:cats hate mice,how true,even of the electronic variety seeing how panda,the kitten of terror,had ravaged 3 of mine and im down to using dear's mouse for myself.and still he will not spare it though it looks like a zebra and luckily for us it is very hardy but not for long...*rahr*

cannot wait already la!

2008-12-23T19:07:00.001+08:00

hahaha! i blew your surprise.now,writing this,i wonder if you ever guessed the surprise i am planning for you.you,reading this,i hope you loved it.i worked hard for it ok! it was...3? days in the making?

guessing your surprise occupied my mind the whole day at work and when i thought of it,i had the sneaking suspicion that i will be right.and i was!

now,typing this,all that is left is to spend a happy second day of christmas i planned for us when you get home.it will be a blast!

P.S. if you somehow got internet access and are reading this(i really hope not!),just know that you will love it! no need to guess la...you will not get it(i hope!).

i read you like an open book,let me write all over you.

random musings

2008-12-10T14:28:00.001+08:00

and so i wonder...can i just go mail my warranty card directly to their mailbox since the office is practically in my backyard? instead of wasting the damn stamp...

fi meltz

2008-11-29T12:45:00.000+08:00

have not been blogging much as i was occupied with spending time and taking care of my dear love and juggling trying to keep up with schoolwork as its exams period again(so soon!).furthermore,a little bundle of of joy and excitement has been keeping my hands full.

Panda! the cutest persian kitten.i can't sleep or work whenever he is up and about.he is so active and always scurrying about,jumping here and there,pouncing on anything that moves,and yes that includes me as well haha.

basically he is driving me crazy,and my body is pattered with so many tiny scars courtesy of his loving scratches and bites.he breaks my sleep,harasses me when i am up and about,and demands scraps of food whenever i eat even when he has had his meals.there is no peace when he is awake!

yet he is so adorable those rare times when he is mellow and cosies up for some sayang-ing,mewing in his sweet kitten voice,purring contently when i caress him.sometimes he does cute,stupid kittenish things which makes me laugh.

there is also a deep sense of pleasure and fuzzy contentment when i feed him his meals,replace water in his drinking bowl and clean him up when he does his business.

though i lose my cool with it sometimes,i still love that little tyke and it feels warm coming home to him greeting me with his soft bright eyes looking up staring at me...and then he breaks out into his routine kitten dance of terror.

***

nothing beats waking up to a message of love and appreciation from miles away.

-'Baby i miss you. I'm so happy that you're in my life and i want to thank you for all the joy you've given me. You're truly my heaven sent superman. I love you.'

oh how i melted...

peekaboo

2008-11-28T18:50:00.000+08:00

in case you peeked here.i updated just for you.hahaha!

happy 24th birthday to me

2008-11-05T00:33:00.002+08:00

it's significant yet does not feel so.a few minutes ago,i just turned 24.the numbers are starting to look scary since i turned 21.i feel...old.but largely,i feel stressed and incredibly lonely.

it's hard trying to focus on schoolwork and not to get distracted.on the other hand,it's hard trying to feel happy and not to let the stress get to me.it's hard being lonely and not being able to find company.but it's worst missing someone.

ran into an old friend in school.could hardly recognise him since i have not met him since he underwent his late puberty.had quite a long chat.like me,he is not doing too good in school and scraping through extended semesters.apparently,he is having the similar bad varsity life experiences.it struck me how he changed from such a cherry character into someone so pessimistic and jaded.maybe i'm like that too.i just have not talked to myself for too long a while.

maybe it is about time.to talk to myself.to reflect.

on a sad note,i received news that a grandaunt had passed away at 5 in the evening earlier.this,after just having visited her in hospital before lunch with my parents.it was heartwrenching watching her bedridden in a coma-like state.yet it was heartwarming watching my granduncle praying hard and still caring for her lovingly by her side.she fell to cancer and the debilitating effects of the treatment involved.she fought the good fight for a good 5 long years i think.you will always be remembered Nyai Ju.

it's so hard missing someone yet i have to learn to better cope with these feelings.at times the tears just well up and i feel so miserable.i really wish she is here.

life is just not the same not having you around,dear.

hesitate no more...

2008-10-12T13:06:00.002+08:00

so i won't hesitate no more,no more,it cannot wait.i'm yours!

the past days saw tears,pain and anguish."sorry" is easy to say but hard to convince.though it gets even harder,a promise;for better times ahead.actions do speak louder than words.so there'll be less words and no more tears,pain and anguish.

3,4,5...6

2008-10-04T15:21:00.000+08:00

3,4,5.how fitting the sequence of numbers.as they lead to 6,seeing that it's been 6 months of bliss.reaching half a year is significant,and the love and need i feel is still going strong which i hope gets even stronger as more time passes.

3,4,5.for our 6 months,my dear.a little token of my gratitude and appreciation for loving and needing me.you complete me.Though at times we are far apart,i always keep you close to my heart.

i love you.need me.

so far away

2008-09-24T19:09:00.000+08:00

my ass and me:

i woke up despite not enough sleep and dragged my ass to school for a project group meeting.unwilling sat my ass through a focus group session with a gay guy lusting after it.then dragged my ass home and caught some winks.i woke up,prematurely.

please! no rinse,no repeat.damn!

i need to study,yet i need to sleep.

pining...

*****

you're far away,yet you feel so near.
your voice so close,but to you i can't reach.
without your warmth,how do i sleep?
without your love,how will i breathe?

the impotent god amongst men

2008-09-19T16:34:00.000+08:00

been in a rather creative mood lately.more like drained from hours of lectures actually haha! so here goes:

the impotent god amongst men

masculinity,
sinister charm.
with weaknesses concealed,
a god amongst men.

brilliance,
lacking diligence.
trapped in denial,
actions tainted with condescension.
the impotent god amongst men.

但願人長久

2008-09-13T17:23:00.000+08:00

人有悲歡離合
月有陰晴圓缺
此事古難全
但願人長久
千里共嬋娟

***

one fateful night,musing.
deciphering its meaning.
misunderstood yet,
fleeting,the tempestuous thought.
with all hope forcibly quashed.

time unraveled torrents.
revelations ignited passion.
there i laid smothered.
but through the storm,
i emerged fulfilled.

***

again i muse,
how bitter sweet the irony.
only wishing to be close,but
watching the same moon suffices.

to the one that matters

2008-08-28T21:56:00.000+08:00

i was initially planning a good long post but had been unfortunately burdened by certain circumstances.

to the one that matters:
small steps,one at a time.
believe in me,i'll never fail you.
need me,i'll be ever yours.

bad day?

2008-08-19T18:29:00.000+08:00

shit la,stupid scribefire application.still don't really know how it works and now i have accidentally deleted one of my posts.

academic life is a bitch and the daily grind is draining.they say the sacrifices are well worth it but I SAY that remains to be seen considering i don't really enjoy the stuff i'm studying(what happened to that spark,i wonder).it is physically and mentally taxing to put in so much effort in doing well in school and to me it is a necessary evil.seems like my future revolves around graduating from university but it so hard to keep up especially with the competition,having to understand concepts that do not really make practical sense and having to interact with weird students which really makes me uncomfortable.

fortunately,there is progress.grasping the physics is hard and progress is slow but hey,there is headway at least.got to keep up the momentum,bring it up a notch even,though i am studying that momentum is conserved in an elastic collision.studying is elastic,believe me.thoughts of sleeping,gaming and slacking are relished every single moment i start trying to be a nerd and i imagine i can easily dump it for those hedonistic pleasures but...must resist.ok la,at least don't hardcore like last time can liao.

just when stress from school is being managed fairly,emotional stress comes with news that father's bad eye is not getting better.it got worse actually.the retina is coming off! so had to rush an operation on him today.it is ongoing as i type this.i really hope he gets well after this.it is not just his health that is worrying.like any other Singaporean son with parents,the costs of the treatment can be financially debilitating(rant:ccb,why cannot pay in full with Medisave? why after the initial laser treatment,already so expensive,got another hole come out which is even worse? you sure you shoot laser properly? then now must go for op 4 times more expensive than laser!).not that it is something i'm paying any cents for,but what affects him inadvertably affects me.damn,i'm so wicked.

oh! hurry back and take the clouds away,sunshine.

reporting live from changi airport

2008-08-06T18:29:00.000+08:00

gosh i am so amazed with the wireless internet access at changi
airport! can play wow and dota without lag and disconnections sia! the
signal is perpetually strong with minimum traffic,but i wonder how it'd
be with more students around lugging their laptops to study here.if
only i get such reception from MY OWN ROUTER at home.such a
disappointment.as it is,i stand impressed with the quality i got here
today.

bugger,made my final changes to module choices while
'meditating' here.3 physics modules,level 2 chinese and an IS
module.yup! am going to finish the IS minor.i figured my brain will be
fried if i picked more math modules like the initial choice of linear
algebra.last i checked,i'd be getting all my modules for 1 point this
semester(somehow i don't have to splurge on points like some
people,lucky?).hope this is a good omen.'because learning to read omens gets you closer to your Personal Legend.'

i suspect this is a start of a beautiful relationship with Changi Airport.

reminisce

2008-08-04T15:19:00.000+08:00

reality is sinking in,argh! school is going to start in a week.

after last semester's disappointing yet very much expected results,i really have to pull my socks up to my neck to bring the CAP up.it will be a tremendous task,involving diligence,motivation and confidence but i will persevere for the sake of all those around me and that promise made.am having trouble deciding the last module to take.as it stands,i will be taking 3 major modules and level 2 chinese(please let me have it CORS bitch) leaving one more slot.still undecided to try complete the IS minor requirements or to forgo it.

on a lighter note,caught up with a pair of really old friends after sending baby off on Saturday.i was impressed how mature and driven my 2 bola,bridge and delinquent kakis have turned out discussing about their work(surprisingly they have ended up in the same field),future plans and their different views on work life.i dare say it all came about from the harsh reality of surviving in competitive little Singapore.ended up being the person sitting on the fence,offering a neutral analysis of what was being discussed.

we talked about our past escapades,regrets(about not studying harder) and sharing the info we had about the people from the past each of us had happened to run into after secondary school.from that meeting i take heart at what was said by Kenneth,"the past is a relic,the present is a gift,the future is a mystery." maybe i shall write my thoughts about that qoute another time.

quite tired after cleaning the house,and got to go get ready to fetch baby back from the airport soon.i hope she had an enjoyable trip at work.i missed her so much! and so did she,i'm glad.

providence

2008-07-29T13:50:00.001+08:00

An old friend,whom i met today,told me it will be a bad year for rats.But having a tiger by my side is providence.Oh i am so glad for that!

torn

2008-07-29T13:05:00.001+08:00

Baby,i know you are tired.Sayang,i know you are bothered.Dear,don't feel neglected.Know that i am always here for you.

when u skate,it's forever

2008-07-18T23:41:00.001+08:00

on my way home on the bus yesterday,i was piqued when 3 skaters boarded,seasoned skateboards in tow,music blaring from their phones and not surprisingly making alot of noise.a welcome sight? more like an eyesore haha.though i found it quite interesting that such people i thought were already extinct(there was a great population decline,but they were rampant in my secondary school days) were pretty much still thriving in Singapore.i couldn't help relishing listening to them speak and gawking at the way they just were."...mOre bEtter...wHat Only/siaL..." haha,it brought back fuzzy memories about the interesting characters i interacted with way back then when every kid was dying to be skater,everyone but me of course.it didn't and still doesn't make sense because there wasn't and still isn't much places to skate and everyone else will just think of you as a poser,delinquent and public nuisance.i wish those 3 the best,to survive,staying true to themselves.but that wouldn't be too hard.heh.

my everything

2008-07-18T11:31:00.002+08:00

You're a falling star, you're the get away car.
You're the line in the sand when I go too far.
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.
And you're the perfect thing to say.

And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute.
When you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.
Cause you can see it when I look at you.

You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You're a mystery, you're from outer space,
You're every minute of my everyday.

And I can't believe, that I'm your man,
And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.
Whatever comes our way, we'll see it through,
And you know that's what our love can do.

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, you make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
You're every song, and I sing along.
Cause you're my everything.

i love you more than ever

2008-07-14T13:11:00.004+08:00

i feel i am so lucky to have someone who loves me so much.i have never experienced such affection,care and concern from anyone and i greatly appreciate all that i have received.

your hugs and kisses make me feel so warm.your tender grip on my hands when we walk,sharing strides,make me want to protect you and shield you away from any incoming harm.your tears break my heart when they roll down your cheeks from your soft almond eyes and as i wipe them,with each i wish your sorrows fade away,so i can bring your smile back.that smile which melts my heart every time my gaze catches it.

you worry i may get impatient indulging you,but fret not.you are never a chore or a bore.just know that i will always be there for you,as long as you need me.

times i feel ugly,hug me.
if i get petty,kiss me.
when i'm lonely,think of me.
i'm never angry,that's not me.

-this song you hear playing is dedicated to you.one fine day when we go K,i'll sing it for you proper

wow

2008-07-07T17:08:00.000+08:00

A whole weekend;time well spent,enjoying each other's company,doing things both of us love.All weekends should be like the one passed,lost in our utopia."How wonderful life is,when you're in the world..." on a side note: Goodbye little sis.Good luck over there,study hard and be safe.You will be missed,but then again..nah...;)

far away with love

2008-06-27T23:34:00.001+08:00

Good night dear,sweet dreams.

sanctuary

2008-06-20T14:16:00.000+08:00

The Singapore river.Smelly,green,ugly.Yet along its concrete banks,disillusioned workaholics find solace,a place to be temporarily free;sanctuary.Away from the depressing stress aura generated by the surrounding sinister office buildings,it is comforting to spend precious moments of a constricted lunch hour along the breezy banks relishing in foolish thoughts of freedom,in a far away serene domain...till the hour is up.Snapping back from the euphoric utopia,and back to hell.Sipping on lemon tea and smoking a cigarette here,i am blessed with more free rein and less stress without the pressure to excel and succeed,working my life away in such a horrible,depressing place.And i reckon i never will.

bored during lunch

2008-06-18T13:40:00.000+08:00

The ingredients have been measured,the processes,considered and moderated.Fried bee hoon will be a success! Einstein had his thought experiments,i have my thought cooking.

Bad luck

2008-06-18T09:13:00.000+08:00

My stomach is growling,my back is breaking,my heart is acheing.Guess bad luck spilled over from last friday.Hai...4 more floors and possibly more in the afternoon.Smoking then feel like shitting now.Can now add acheing to stomach too.Work,work...

ever thine,ever mine,ever ours

2008-06-16T15:10:00.003+08:00

for most things,initial needs are sated leading to indulgence.but us being so,never is it undue.to see you every is bliss.not to,makes my life barren.

i dread the days not spent together.yesterday was my sunniest sunday :)

ever thine.
ever mine.
ever ours.

the gaming world

2008-06-11T22:03:00.002+08:00

born with the honorable blood of the proud Arcania clan coursing through her veins,innately fused with arcane power.she now journeys alone,shunned by her kind for relinquishing the arcane power she was naturally gifted with.forsaking her blessed talents for the tempestuous powers of the ice,relentlessly questing for ultimate power and control over the chilling elemental nature.

***

the newest inhabitant to Pleasantville! a highly rated Solid Provider with motivations and aspirations never seen before in a Sim.never seems to age as well,hawhaw!

can't sleep,can't eat

2008-05-20T14:07:00.001+08:00

those were heartfelt words.
hoping they were appreciated,
though unfortunately forgotten.

when the future seems most bleak,
the simplest of gestures was all i need,
to renew my faith,
rejuvenate my strength
and toughen my will.

as i lay wounded,
i realise.
your life i cannot hold too much sway.
so this deepest hurt,
will fade away.

i miss you

2008-05-15T13:21:00.001+08:00

at times,i guess i can be such a wuss.but sometimes the surge of emotions is just too overwhelming and it breaks me down.missing someone can be so debilitating and in such moments of weakness,my insecurities creep in.it hurts to start feeling that i am not being missed by the person i miss so much.but then i realise this is certainly not the case and suddenly feel so silly.there is more to life than just wallowing in depression.strength comes from just realising that and making efforts to not let it get the better of me by channeling the energy doing things which are not necessarily just to distract me from those emotions,but those i tend to neglect while indulging myself with her,like work and family.it would make her feel better and able to focus on her work as well.

but it does not mean i miss you any less.

- I always needed time on my own.
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry.
And the days feel like years when I'm alone.
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side.
When you walk away I count the steps that you take.
Do you see how much I need you right now?

I've never felt this way before.
Everything that I do reminds me of you.
And the clothes you left,they lie on the floor.
And they smell just like you,I love the things that you do.
When you walk away I count the steps that you take.
Do you see how much I need you right now?

We were made for each other,
Out here forever.
I know we were.
All I ever wanted was for you to know,
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul.
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me.

When you're gone,
The pieces of my heart are missing you.
When you're gone,
The face I came to know is missing too.
When you're gone,
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok,
I MISS YOU! -

*one wet pillow*

as i have loved,so have i changed

2008-05-11T10:38:00.001+08:00

as i have loved,so have i changed.she has ripped my masks off and stripped my armor bare,leaving me vulnerable,naked.Yet protected,shrouded,by the florescence and warmth of her love.

sometimes,i feel like i'm losing myself,loving.but here i am expressing myself in ways i never did,communicating at a deeper level and being more spontaneous and socially pro-active.

thank you,darling.

level up

2008-05-01T14:11:00.001+08:00

i have learned some aspects of myself i never knew.or is it just that i have just perpetually refused to acknowledge it?

at times,i think i get too petty.and its bad because its over the most trivial things and recalling those instances make me hate myself.

most times,i am very lonely.despite being socially adaptable,somehow i still chose to stay detached but now,that void is being filled.

all the time,i need.never had i thought i would one day accept this,but it looks like i must now get used to it.

if things don't appear the way they seem,
don't despair.
it's really not that i don't care,
sometimes i just don't have the time to spare,
most times,
its that those things i'm still not used to bear.

give me time,
through it we hope.
just pry me open,
and let it spill.
cos alone i can't bear,
the winter's chill.

there's a danger in loving somebody too much.

2008-04-30T18:22:00.002+08:00
lying there beside you,
i had a sudden rush of emotion
i didnt know how to deciphere.
i turn myself away from you,
told you i dont want to see you
too much;
told you i dont want to have to need you
too much.

hurt you seemed,
angry you seemed,
but i never know cos you didnt put that arm you would,
around me; to comfort me.

and then i realised,
what's stirring in me.

need and love aint the same.
i dont want this need to
over-exceed the love we share,
now that it seems that a love
has grown beyond expectation.
(Now, I don't want to lose you,
but I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side.)

no, i dont want to see you,
just because i need you,
just because it's coming out of habit
that i need to see you.
but i want to need you all the same,
i want to need to see you,
only because i love you.
now that it seems that a love
has grown beyond expectation.
( Now, I could never change you, I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall. )

and how hard is that?
yes, it is hard.

cos we started with only a need.
and what do i make of this?

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.

“Poem (for Ema)” edited - Poem (for You)

2008-04-22T02:19:00.002+08:00
though i do wonder
why you intrigue me
i recognize that an exceptional moth
is always drawn
to an exceptional flame

you’re not at all what you appear
to be
though not so very different

i've not learned
the acceptable way of saying
you fascinate me
i’ve not even learned
how to say i like you
without frightening people
away

sometimes i see things
that aren’t really there
like warm and kindness
when people are mean
but sometimes i see things
like fear and want to sooth it
or lonesome and want to share it
or love and want to receive it

is that weird
you think everyone is weird
though you’re not really hypocritical
you just practice not being
what you want to be
and fail to understand
how others would dare
to be otherwise
that’s weird to me

flames don’t flicker
forever
and moths are born to be burned

it’s an unusual way
to start a relationship
but some things (may just) last forever

-Nikki Giovanni

Amazing Grace

2008-04-21T00:11:00.002+08:00

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That sav’d a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears reliev’d;
How precious did that grace appear,
The hour I first believ’d!

Thro’ many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come;
’Tis grace has brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.

The Lady has promis’d good to me,
Her word my hope secures;
She will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease;
I shall possess, within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
The sun forbear to shine;
But She, who call’d me here below,
Will be forever mine.

John Newton, Olney Hymns (London: W. Oliver, 1779) (edited)

life?

2008-04-17T00:04:00.001+08:00

as i walk,
remember.

who really suffered,
which choices made,
why?

as i sit,
ponder.

who really matters,
which path to take,
how?

as i lie,
slumber.

as nightmares come to pass,
or dreams become reality.
life,still,is but a journey.

天天想你 Everyday Thinking of You

2008-04-12T00:25:00.001+08:00
當我佇立在窗前你愈走愈遠
我的每一次心跳你是否聽見
As I stand before the window, you’re moving farther and farther away
Can you hear every beat of my heart?

當我徘徊在深夜你在我耳邊
你的每一句誓言迴盪在耳邊
As I pace in the deep of the night you’re beside me
Your every oath resounds beside me

隱隱約約　閃動的雙眼
藏著你的羞怯加深我的思念
兩顆心的交界你一定會看見
只要你願意走向前
So indistinctly, the eyes that speaks
Hiding your shyness, deepening my yearning
I’m certain you can see the border between our two hearts
If only you are willing to continue moving forward

天天想你　天天問自己
到什麼時候才能告訴你
天天想你　天天守住一顆心
把我最好的愛留給你(都給妳)
Everyday thinking of you, everyday asking myself
When will I finally be able to tell you
Everyday thinking of you, everyday a constant heart
My best love is reserved for you (all for you)

my love, thank you for today.

2008-04-09T19:02:00.003+08:00
In every break up...
whoever initiated; whatever triggered,
You get over the heartbreak but you never really quite forget.
And those times when the pangs hit you,
it feels like you've got the wind knocked out of you;

you try to breathe but all that your body lets in is a dull ache.

Your fixation on healing wounds inevitably, just sometimes, blinds you from
how you're hereof blessed with a greater love, one who attempts to capture
all the pains of having ever lived in a lie in the secret world.
This is a man who knows he has a part to play in changing what has happened.
And no matter the minority of his part,
or the entirety all at the same time,
he will go to the ends of the earth to make sure your heart will no longer hold that dull ache of longing, of possible delusive irony,
that your heart will never cry those lonely tears your eyes would not allow.
And even if they do, he wants to be the one who will hold you close,
kiss you on the forehead
and chase the boo-hoos away.

Then you realize,
it's alright to cry.
But you don't want to cry with anybody else but him,
because even at your lowest of lows,
him with his expressive eyebrows crinkled with bittersweetness,
he says, "sayang, don't cry."
And you realise, then, there is nothing to cry about, again.

"Each friend represents a world in us,
a world possibly not born until they arrive,
and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."
- Anais Nin

between the lines

2008-04-09T01:16:00.003+08:00

songs express the deepest feelings,
songs convey words we don't dare speak.
through the light,glare of blazing ember,
a brazen act,
so bold the deed.

to those who harked,the singers sang.
a song to sing,too many have sung.
even oak,teak and hardened timber,
bonds so strong,
yet strained,they creak.

a song explains,a song digresses.
a song tempts desire,a song hides anger.
be it wind,storm or raging weather,
a promise made,
to it i keep.

of butter

2008-03-24T21:20:00.003+08:00

of late,been experimenting with butter.though i doubt it is a healthier alternative,i must admit it does add a rich flavour to the cooking mix.

a sweet aroma wafts as the butter melts over low heat;thereby mixing itself well among the other ingredients and enhancing the taste,which more importantly,heightens the cooking experience.

it was noted that a tablespoon of butter is just about the right amount to saute 2 cloves of finely-chopped garlic and a quarter of an onion,sliced thinly,when cooking for one.

tempestuous week

2008-03-23T15:27:00.002+08:00

as i sit here recollecting incidents passed...

a few days ago in Central Library,i was a spectator to a quarreling couple.just across the computer terminal where i was busy printing some lecture notes which were long overdue,the girl suddenly shrieked and screamed at the guy,"Go away! You've got bad breath!" On instinct,i stole a peek and regrettably saw an image that is still stuck in my head.

the guy was so embarrassed! i could tell that he was at his limit of controlling his temper while at the same time forced by the circumstances to try to console and pacify his girl who still,pushing him away,went about raving,"your mouth stinks,your mouth stinks,your mouth stinks..." Ouch.

i wondered what he did to have warranted such treatment.well,he may not have bad breath,but such humiliation in public is a lethal blow to a guy's self esteem which i am also sure is equally socially debilitating to any girl.of all places to have an ugly spat,why choose a public place with so many people around? and of all places a peaceful,quiet library where everyone will be able to hear what you are quarreling about?

as i was just about done,i walked off,taking another look at the guy.his facial expression was hard to describe.he was angry,yet he couldn't vent it.he was ashamed,but there was nowhere to hide.his girl had a tempest raging in her,but he couldn't subdue it.he wanted to walk away from her,but he was sure we would regret doing that later.so he sat there with that unfathomable expression on his face as i walked past,relishing in the fact that i was still single and potentially not have to go through what he was experiencing.

relac one corner,hisap rokok

2008-03-20T10:07:00.000+08:00

pity me not,with your smile.

regardless of race,language or religion

2008-03-19T01:15:00.007+08:00
why were we made so different? today(a few times before also got la but lazy to blog about it) i asked myself this question.

a species has only one function and that is to survive for as long as possible.that's a basic fact of life.well,if you're well-read like the person blogging this,you'd know that a species not having a diverse enough gene pool will bear inefficiencies and deformities(read: cancer,down's syndrome etc) in the long run.so this is the reason you can't marry your hot sister.oh, yea and also because that's incest and it's frowned upon in our society.so in-breeding within a species ultimately leads to its extinction.contradictory,no? so we are actually killing ourselves fucking around? Luckily for us, our species were favourited on God's Google,so 2 million years ago,the seeds of humanity were planted at different geographical locations on earth.the segregated humans evolved differently over millennia thus each locale's inhabitants developed unique strengths and weaknesses based on the different climatic conditions they were exposed to.the purpose was to make us intrinsically homogeneous,yet wholly non-homogeneous.therefore,many years after,we'd be able to have a vast genetic pool to tap into so we can survive that much longer.our eventual extinction can be delayed by an exponential factor! but,can we?

unfortunately,it turns out the large majority of us are unable to look beyond our differences which were developed for the greater good of the species.2 world wars,tens of inter-civilisation wars,hundreds of inter-state battles,thousands of skirmishes and millions of neighbourhood spats were fought out in our chaotic history.you may blame the consequences of events as their causes but consider this:

would world war 2 have occurred if Hitler didn't think of the Aryans as the superior race? would the Japanese have ambitious expansion plans for Asian domination if the rest of Asia were Japanese too? the ancient wars between civilizations? would you demean the humble manual labourer seeking opportunities in your country if he was of your dad's colour? why is it we need racial quotas for public housing here?

hell,the Japanese would have stayed at their fisheries and the Persians in 300 would have stayed home farming grain if everyone else looked the same.and c'mon,not all of them are Banglas.in fact,only a small proportion of them are.Banglas come from Bangladesh and most of them stay home to dig trenches and build dams so the next monsoon won't flood Dhaka.apparently,the blue circle-red lightning feels that grouping by colour breeds insecurities among races.how true.

the simple fact of the matter is,we want to kill each other because we cannot stand others being different from us.if there were no racial quotas,one day when enough hate is generated between the different races which occupy the different neighbourhood estates,the people of Bedok would wage war against the people of Tampines then Tanah Merah would have justified its own name(translation:red soil).

since being different is for the greater good of Man,why hate something innately beneficial? the earlier we overcome this fatal flaw of narrow-mindedness the better.earth will be such a happy place to live on then.Singaporeans can one day proclaim,"we love how we are so different from each other!" every National Day from then instead of just reciting,"...regardless of race,language or religion..." once a year and then not taking it into heart for the rest of the year.

well,we've got time till the aliens come a-knocking.benign aliens:our internal strife weakens us,then they colonize us and we become second-class citizens of their great united galactic empire.malicious aliens:we get bombed to oblivion.just hope the Vulcans beat the Klingons to it if we don't sort ourselves by then.

i believe there is a celestial reason why humans were made different.and it is not because God set the baking clock wrong several times.

P.S. please don't take everything posted here seriously.the bottom line:make love not war!

nothing's changed

2008-03-17T12:17:00.004+08:00
i cannot help laughing at myself.just got up and missed the morning lectures(again) and it looks like i will not be going for the lecture later seeing how lazy i am and have always been.i wonder when i will really pull up my socks despite all the mental debates,dialogues,reprimands i had with my helpless self.

life sucks when i start thinking about it,but if i don't i will just get sucked deeper into this abyss and seeing that i had,haha,it really looks like i will never get out of it.it's amazing how i have changed in a spate of a couple of years.Though the people around me will say i hardly did,i'd beg to differ because they don't know my true self.

i don't feel as motivated as i was in JC,i wonder why? the old FI will probably sneer at me seeing how he will turn out.his fire of academia will be extinguished by the incoming cold front bearing showers of hedonism.to my old-self: don't give in!

analyzing my current situation,i'd say the NS experience was the catalyst to this detriment though i enjoyed and learnt so much from it.then,not adapting and ultimately hating varsity life possibly compounded the problem.

however much i hate it though,this gauntlet i must overcome for the love,hopes and sacrifices of people who have in some way or another shepherded me to this path of perceived success.what i have is a much coveted place in society,they'd say,and i'd be wise not to squander it.i have deep faith i will not but the constant rigor is perpetually weighing me down and at times i feel i do not have the emotional strength and determination to see myself through.the only panacea i have is the fear of facing the disappointment of the people who have vested so much in me.

real men don't talk about problems,they solve them.

OK,GOING TO STUDY LO!

no sleep lor,like that

2008-03-15T02:09:00.004+08:00
hmm...sitting here,freshly showered,brushing my hair,using my sis' laptop(which is really smooth),waiting to play dota on my lappy(guess who's on it when i got back),after a gaming session at Networms(WAH! NOW CAN HOST LER!),after having supper at a place i swore off(bo pian,BANQUET CLOSED DOWN LER! SOBS!).

ah...life is good if i don't think about all the major distractions.

then he told me i got to attend my cousin's wedding tomorrow...:(

haha,neglecting this space...again.

note to self:gotta stop blogging like a girl.

this is...DOTA!

2008-02-27T03:26:00.002+08:00
bah,i'm fucking bored.lagged out of a game again.so i came up with a list.

DOTA:(these are periodic and are subject to changes)

favourite strength hero:
Bristleback

favourite agility hero:
Drow Ranger

favourite intelligence hero:
ALL!

M-M-M-M-MONSTER KILL!!!

彩虹

2008-02-18T21:31:00.005+08:00

Tell me, where can I find rainbows?
Can i have my wish returned?
Why is the sky still so calm?
When all the clouds have amassed above me

Is there a mask for me?
Because I have said too much, now it will never be a reality
Time was supposed to be an antidote
But it now seems like poison instead
Without seeing your smile, i don't think i can sleep well
Your voice is so close yet I cannot embrace you
Just as the Sun and Earth can exist without each other
I can also walk away from you, alone, without reasons

seen

2008-02-11T11:09:00.000+08:00

good guy goes to heaven,bad guy goes everywhere!

Lunar New Year Tidings

2008-02-09T18:03:00.001+08:00

新年快乐,万事如意!

now,with that sorted out,chinese new year saw a week long break from school.i gave myself a early-term week break by skipping a day of lectures.woo!!! so much for perseverance.

coming back from an injured sprained ankle,i expectedly played like shit during the friendly touch rugby match against Sheares Hall on Monday.aye,i really need to work harder.my fitness and dumping was a disgrace.what was more of a disgrace was the attitude of some of the other players.like virtual particles,they appear out of nowhere,then start talking like they are too damn good and like they own the team.while we were losing,the focus was then not on how we could improve our game,but more of boasting of their assets and how pansy the opposition was.aye,screw you fuckers.realise that you lost! you claim to be fucking good but you still fucking lost! those pansy touch players were pawning your noob asses and you shamelessly still dare to talk so big.realise it was a TOUCH game,no matter how much you say you can hurt them if it was contact,you won't be able to and because you are so immature and childish,you still don't realise how bad you looked.so fuck you,i'm not going to be embarrassed like that again and i'm never going to play with you fuckers ever again!

on a happier note,we were finally able to catch up with long-lost Gha after the match.he seemed well and happy and as usual,had lots to say and talk about which he did,Gha-style.haha! you fucker,call and meet up more often leh!

Tuesday really made me so happy,but the rest of the week turned out to be a drag if not for spending time with my parents and the mahjong games with the guys and girl even though it was a holiday.fell sick,still am and didn't really do any schoolwork as initially planned so i'm feeling damn guilty and dreading the catching up i have to do.well, can you blame me? the latest dota map was released.

impulsively,i bombed my pockets and bought a bouquet which will be delivered to her on V-day.nervous,will she call? please do,it wasn't cheap.haha!

this post was brought to you by ScribeFire.its an awesome firefox add-on which is so useful for blogging.get it!

Powered by ScribeFire.

flirt

2008-02-05T16:51:00.000+08:00
M:Hey,did you get your hair cut?
FI:Yeap,I did.
M:No wonder,so handsome.

***

K:I just wanted to tell you that i think your haircut is really nice.
FI:Haha,really? Thanks.But i still prefer it a little longer.
K:You shouldn't hide behind your hair.(sweet smile)

Maybe i will,no longer.

normalcy

2008-01-20T11:43:00.000+08:00
had been very occupied the past few days.adapting to school;rushing to print notes,buy books and stationery,and the daily hospital visits;worrying,reflecting,praying.

woke up just now to good news.Father is going to be discharged.his platelet count was on the rise since yesterday.the whole episode taught me a lot of things i used to deign to even consider.life had been so comfortable,i never thought about how major changes could possibly take that luxury away and about how i will cope then.

i saw the fragility of life.when he was sick,i was initially flooded with thoughts of worry and despair.it was a reality check,i realised he(Mother too) will not always be there for me.have i been taking them for granted? have i shown them how much i appreciated their efforts and sacrifices,how much i care for and love them? how will life be without both/either of them?

i also saw the strength of familial ties.how Mother's heart broke seeing Father lying on a hospital bed on the drip.how Little Sis broke into a high fever for 3 days upon receiving news that Father was ill.how responsible Big Bro was throughout the whole episode.how our extended family and friends took time off their busy schedule to take the trouble to visit and offer kind,comforting words and send their well wishes.

the whole experience had been enlightening and from it,i took lessons of humility and compassion.my heartfelt appreciation to all who have helped lightened the burden of worry throughout in words and deeds.

packed lunch

2008-01-17T12:51:00.000+08:00

Lettuce-wrapped teriyaki minced beef with rice.

Aedes fuckers!

2008-01-16T16:28:00.000+08:00
Fuck.On my way to SGH now.Father kena hospitalised because of dengue.Mother told me he was so stubborn,didn't want to be admitted initially till they found out his platelet count was very low,at 46.Hope he gets better,scold him when he is well.

uneventful events

2008-01-14T22:24:00.001+08:00
new semester kicked off today!

awesome...never felt so rejuvenated going back to school.as Boxer of Animal Farm always says:"I must work harder!".must keep this spirit up till i graduate,who knows i may be able to do a honours year.so i had 3 physics lectures today(and henceforth i will every monday and thursday this semester),quantum mechanics had barely a dozen students but the french lecturer cracks me up.however,the later 2 lectures were filled with the regular ugly,nerdy faces i wanted to and nearly forgot having not taken a single physics module last semester.the horrors of coursemates from the first 2 semesters are catching up on me! got confirmation that Y & C have gone steady,expectedly,bad breath straight from the horse's mouth(you must boast to the whole world meh?).avoided Jun at last lecture.i was also quite surprised that there were several year 1s who attended the 2 level 2 modules' lectures i attended later(big mistake noobs! you guys will be helping me pull up my CAP!).i foresee statistical physics lectures being a big bore.the lecturer for that module made us LOL when he abruptly asked(in his Donald Duck voice),'who's the class monitor?' when he wanted to arrow somebody to photocopy his master copy module notes for the WHOLE class.since when uni got monitor sial.anyway,since it rained when i got off the last lecture,i canceled my plans to go shopping at Ikea and headed straight home instead.the thunderstorm was terrible:

http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/322501/1/.html

the pictures on the way home,
buses had trouble getting into the bus bay to fetch and drop off passengers
spot the monster emerging from the flood!
disgusting,some mat kids were playing in this like it was a wading pool(no wonder became Milo LOL)

did lots of home admin since the rain kept me in.spent 0 dollars on food since i cooked all the meals today.if i make this a habit,i can buy a new laptop every 3 months haha! did some laundry and kitchen chores,cleaned the room,worked out a bit,checked some school stuff and organised the files on my lappy.even had a game of island trolls tribes going in between(this WC3 map mod rocks my socks,must get the others to play).such efficient and effective use of time makes me happy.keep it up FI! now,to apply that to school work too.

Father,who's been sick the past couple of days,got diagnosed having dengue fever today.hope his platelet count stays up so he will not have to be hospitalised.he was still driving and working his ass off and acted tough over the phone when i called him.haha! my old man IS tough,he's got 2 Heart of Tarrasque! get well asap!

familiar faces,strange possibilities

2008-01-10T00:23:00.000+08:00
Hillary Clinton:girls cry,they get the world.boys cry,they kena called 'pussy'

Marcus Ng:grow up you fucking spoilt brat.you are not even as handsome as Pierre Png's nose shit and hardly as funny as Gurmit Singh(oh shit,that's really bad HAHA!).

war starts soon,kena charge soon,looking like a nerd with my hair cut.

stupid migraine from nicotine withdrawal.

-call an asshole an asshole and he may probably change.real assholes;stay that way

in one ear,out the other.teh tarik,kopi tolak

2008-01-08T16:26:00.000+08:00
back to the mediocre life after that wonderful chalet/BBQ.hit the sack like a mole the moment i landed on my bed that day.to think we even went to game at NetWorms before heading home.hardestcore.

in chill mode having returned from work.shitloads going on.

its the CORS week! having trouble planning modules for next semester(which starts next week).figured i cannot cope chionging 4 physics modules(what was i thinking?) so i dropped 1 but since i also cannot do more IS modules for the minor program yet,i still have not got a nice module combination to suit my extended needs which are:

1) avoid doing special term modules to, (try save money ma...)
2) make up those 8 MCs i am lacking (failed ma...)

if i can get that GEM and IS module within these 2 bidding rounds and also fit a 6th module in(i think i can manage 6 since 2 are non-examinable), it'd be purrfuck.

tio charge by the big green gang of singapore for not performing the gang rites for the past year.i think i will be forced to donate 50 bucks and attend compulsory bi-weekly gatherings for being a lazy,procrastinating,disobedient gangster.so i am going to trim my lovely locks tomorrow(made appointment liao) because i will have to face the charge at the gang HQ on thursday.(read Army,IPPT,fine,RT,soldier,CMPB)

i really feel like sharing(banging) an interesting conversation i overheard at lunch earlier between 2 office ladies.i did not intend to eavesdrop, but they talked so loudly and were sitting just beside me and i didn't want to disturb my parents discussing their finances,so i just did(haha!).but my brain is too numb to blog liao.i need to nap but i think i will play dota before that.

now this space plays music thanks to imeem.com.

vanity

2008-01-06T01:02:00.000+08:00
earlier,on the way home,Kian and Chups commented that they thought i was vain amidst a discussion we had about taking a new hobby(no link? go figure).i was initially very surprised that they thought so.i have never seen myself as a vain person and would certainly never describe myself as one.after some reflection,i recalled that my parents had,on several occasions also said that i was vain too.why does this bother me? well for one,vanity is never used as a description in the positive context.

from Dictionary.com:
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) - Cite This Source - Share This van·i·ty [van-i-tee] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, plural -ties, adjective –noun
1. excessive pride in one's appearance, qualities, abilities, achievements, etc.; character or quality of being vain; conceit: Failure to be elected was a great blow to his vanity.

2. an instance or display of this quality or feeling.

3. something about which one is vain.

4. lack of real value; hollowness; worthlessness: the vanity of a selfish life.

5. something worthless, trivial, or pointless.

so there,all negative.a vain person is essentially,no good.but i am good what.at least,that is what i would like to think of myself.

just because i fuss(a little bit only lor...) over my appearance and use those several(only,where got alot sia) products on my dresser,does not necessarily mean i am vain.vanity is wanting to look good till its pointless.i just don't want to ever look bad.got limit one lor,at least.and please do not use the term metro on me too.metro is just a loose term for being gay.plus,i don't think my 'vanity' got enough XP to reach that level yet(gay people ALWAYS look good).

doubt my vanity,don't doubt my substance.

yay! tomorrow(later,if you're being a Seb) got BBQ/chalet.thank you,Vera! it is much needed before the hell of a new semester begins.can't wait to try those high-quality charcoal Mother brought over for me.

P.S. a Seb is a nit-picker.

Ai Wo Bie Zou

2008-01-03T11:51:00.000+08:00

The song to whack during the next karaoke session.She just smiled so sweetly at me :@

Happy New Year

2008-01-02T00:50:00.000+08:00
Resolutions 2008:

1) do better in school;
raise my shallow CAP,be more hardworking,less late-night dota
2) lead a healthier lifestyle;
quit smoking for good(ok la,at least try to),follow a regular exercise plan,ippt GOLD(yea right,silver la)
3) spend less,earn more;
be more thrifty with money,tutor more pricks,SAVE
4) treat people better;
don't neglect family over friends or vice versa,get a girlfriend,SMILE MORE
5) regular household upkeep;
don't ever let the house turn into a human sty
6) engage in volunteerism;
SPCA,zoo,bird park or any environmental projects(humans aren't worth it)
7) try a new sport;
frisbee,boxing or just play more computer games la?(hehe)

too stoned to think of anything else.maybe will edit in future.gotta work later.bleah

sick

2007-12-30T11:25:00.000+08:00
woke up feeling like shit today.the flu bug i caught yesterday is causing different parts of my body to ache.the sneezing and runny nose was rather bad at Seb's place but the aches today are making me lazy and i had planned to do some housework.so i guess i will bum around in my room resting till i feel much better to clean the house and clear my mountain of unwashed laundry later.

thank you,Martin,for the BoA CDs!

martyrdom

2007-12-29T01:54:00.000+08:00
Leo's i-pod went missing in the office and the new cleaner Helmy,a well-mannered boy,was suspected of kope-ing it.i did not believe that he was the culprit.how convenient for them to do so and doubt his integrity.Leo wasn't careful about safeguarding his personal belongings by leaving them casually in the open so it is not surprising if they eventually got kope-d by a thief.therefore it was partly Leo's fault too.they had better not anyhow judge and suspect people based on their humble professions.but Helmy had a strong alibi after some investigation so they can't touch him.sekali Leo misplaced it or forgot he didn't even bring it to work.i will knock some sense into his ditzy head.

so spent pretty much the whole day working and hanging around at R&T due to that incident and the year-end party they had in the afternoon with some time off for lunch and tea with the family.wasn't till about 8pm that i reached PS to meet Jianwei.accompanied him for dinner then met up with Vera before heading to Cyrus(omg...again) where we played some dota.they are damn hardcore la.the good thing about Cyrus is i can play till about midnight and still make it home without cabbing.damn taxi fares are ridiculous la!

only 2 more weeks of holidays left.need to think up my new year's resolution(s),decide the modules to take next semester,think of things to do or which i haven't done in a long while and get down to doing them since i won't have the luxury of time when school starts.argh!..

now trying to get to sleep since we are board-gaming(WoW) at Seb's place again tommorow and we are starting early(lesson learnt from last weekend).

i was smitten today.is she THE ONE? don't think too much FI.

Benazir Bhutto (21 June 1953-27 December 2007) - "You can imprison a man, but not an idea. You can exile a man, but not an idea. You can kill a man, but not an idea."

power dessert

2007-12-28T13:53:00.000+08:00

if you ever happen to be eating at Banquet in Harbourfront,look for Victor who mans the dessert stall.He is a dessert expert!

free money,people dowan

2007-12-27T16:57:00.000+08:00
http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/319377/1/.html

claim your money before THEY makan it stupid people!

fi's fun facts 1

2007-12-27T16:49:00.001+08:00
whenever possible,i never use urinals when i'm in the toilet

viruses are scary shit

2007-12-27T16:31:00.000+08:00
got a big shock when i booted my lappy after work.my reformatted darling tio virus! and it's only been a couple of days! luckily my various security programs were able to remove it.never underestimate the power of malicious cyber afflictions.

while removing that bug,i came across quite possibly the most useful add-on for the firefox browser.AN IE TAB WITHIN FF! wow,just the thing i was looking for since for some unknown reason,my IE lags like hell and it pisses the shit out of me when i log on to utopia.this add-on enables pages to be rendered by IE within FF so all the crap IE gives me when i log on to utopia will bother me no more! now i have every excuse NEVER to use IE anymore,and i heard this add-on even works for windows updates! how cool is that.suck it microsoft.

so anyway,going to accompany my dota-starved Big Bro to Cyrus to sate his addiction(mine too la...haha!).he's having withdrawal symptoms so he's been bugging me to go since i got back.going for dinner and watching I Am Legend with the rest of the guys(and girl) after i'm done owning with the noob since they are still working now.hope the movie does not suck for all its mega-hype.

perplexed,how should i feel?

2007-12-27T02:24:00.000+08:00
i was and still am deep in thought for the past 5 minutes,still reflecting after having checked my exam results for the last semester.i did quite well,B- average with a SAP of 3 out of 5.

the worry of failing the lab module was mercifully relieved as i surprisingly scored a B- for it.this,despite me not submitting a compulsory,major lab report and not having VIVA-ed 3 out of 6 of the other minor reports.whether it was mercy shown by my professors or sheer brilliance of the other lab reports which i did submit,i see this as providence.this is of BIG help in pulling up my CAP.

another surprise was my IS module in which i scored a B.i was worried for this module too since i did very badly for the end of term closed-book exam.fortunately,the final exam was more manageable and i also feel that the video my project group submitted(which i can fairly claim as my own since i put in the most effort to it) probably pulled the grade up a little.

i am disappointed that i didn't do better for Chinese.i felt that i should have done much better and despite me being good at it,competition was really tough.however,B- isn't too shabby so i should be content.

no surprise for the B- in the maths module.this is the module which i found difficult yet shockingly comfortable.i am sure this is due in large part to the guidance of Mr Toh,my brilliant lecturer and tutor.

the C+ for Biology was kind of expected since i had skipped a couple of lab sessions and got penalised heavily for that.i was still hoping that the final exam weightage could pull the grade back up to level terms with the others but it didn't do much it seems.not too bad though,considering it was one of those modules with a large amount of students so the bell curve should be very short and wide.

Overall,i should be glad about my results.they are really decent and in fact,they are my best-scoring in NUS currently.however,i cannot help but feel regret and a tinge of remorse even,about my horrendous exam results from the first semester.had i done better,even a 3.0 CAP would not be such a distant dream.furthermore,i can honestly say that it had been a very relaxed semester with a relatively light workload but i still took the lazy,easy way out for the most part.therefore i must really work harder and do better next semester as i won't be blessed again like i was for the last one.

salvation sometimes comes at the most inopportune yet undeserving moments so it is up to the broken to pick up their broken selves for the remedy which may have never and will never come again.

first of many

2007-12-26T20:58:00.000+08:00
finally getting the ball rolling here.a new year approaches and with it brings excitement,hope and most importantly,to me,changes.this space will be a non-intrusive view into my mundane life with which i can reflect on the daily grind i perpetually experience which often,interesting parts of are conveniently forgotten.

i have been occupied with planning and making minor changes to aspects of myself:habits,way of thinking,behaviour,possessions,relationships with people etc,and hopefully these will be for the betterment of my personal well-being(physically,mentally,emotionally,spiritually).

spring cleaning of the house is almost done and am now in the process of getting my lappy back into action! did a reformat so there is a substantial amount of program hunting and installing to be done so that my darling will be in prime condition for the hectic schedule that the next semester of school will bring(and also to play games(some?) hehe).

heard that my results for last semester will be out tomorrow so i'm a little edgy.actually,i'm only worried about THAT particular module(the others i'm sure i'll do OK) which i didn't submit a major report for assessment.will i be failed for it,or will i get fair credit for the other reports which were a substantial amount of the module workload? bah! guess i'll find out tomorrow.erk...

on a brighter note,heard from Jianwei that he scored 3.3 for his virgin semester.i felt it was a good result but somehow he wasn't too happy about it saying he didn't do as well as his course mates.if i got 3.3 for my virgin semester,this year-long regret wouldn't still be bothering me(try 1.5 bro).

gonna work for Mother again tomorrow,helping her train a new worker who is really young(17!).at least i will not be clearing that much rubbish bins tomorrow like i did earlier in the day.back-breaking la,that's why i never did like doing it but i endured because i am a filial son(haha!).plus,it's also a little unglam but i'm not too bothered by that since i'm probably the most good-looking cleaner the office ever saw hahaha! hopefully when her manpower woes are over,i can get back to working,helping her at the Courtyard bar.hmm...probably have to decide and then inform her when i will stop working too since i will want to have a solid break before the term starts.

gosh! typed too much.this makes up for the long break from blogging.got to get back to lappy admin! maybe will dota when the guys get back later.

crap,i need a new mouse.